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Friday, March 9, 2018

#Rambling - A Little Lost For Words ...

I’m a little lost for words today. Some may see this as a worn out wallet, the design fading. This is my father-in-law’s wallet and I wish he was alive for me to tell him how much this means to me.

I miss him. I’m grateful that we had a chance to welcome him into our home and provide him with a safe place to call his own. He often said that it was the best he had felt in years and I miss our daily conversations.

I wasn’t always close with him. Things had happened in the past that had upset me so we didn’t talk for a long time. That’s why when I saw his wallet today - this wallet - it hit me. I gave him this wallet. That design is over the Sydney Opera House. It being well worn means he used it a lot. And I can’t help but think every time he pulled it out of his pocket, he thought of me. Whether it was to offer a prayer or a thought, he loved me ... even when I let hurt feelings get in the way of things.

This wallet means the world to me. It’s become that symbol of love - that he never stopped. Whenever I come in to talk with my mother-in-law, I see it and hold it tight.

Don’t wait too long to make peace with others.
Don’t stop telling those around you how much you love them.
Don’t miss opportunities to heal.

I miss my father-in-law so much. I’ve struggled the past few months between denial that he’s gone and sadness that I can’t pretend anymore. I wish I could have just one more conversation, one more hug, one more night of watching the Diamondbacks play and laughing at him yelling at the TV.

I miss the fact I didn’t know about his wallet. I would’ve told him how much it touched my heart and thank him for loving me. He’ll always be my Popperoni.

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